What the hell did I eat today?

You ever eat some chinese food and that crap bother you all damn day? Like you feel all bloated, unzip your pants, hyperventilate, and turn green? Why do we do this to ourselves?

After 10 minutes of taking your last bite, you are stuck with two options, throwing up, or man up and shove that finger down your throat and take it.

Don't give me the side eye. You know your ass has been in bed after a binge on peppermint schnapps thinking, "the damn room is spinnin and it's 7 a.m. Oh shooooooooot... I gots to puke.... oh hellz.. gotta get my puking finger ready"

I ain't eating chinese food for ATLEAST another week. Nasty ass food.

Living the dream like Charlie Sheen

Right now, everyone is talking smack about the man, the legend. Charlie Sheen. Well you need to shut yo mouth! This man knows what he is talking about but you ain't listening!

This man has given us so many jewels of advice, you would think Jarods would say, "I got it at Charlie's". Every kiss begins with Charlie, followed by a drug binge, rape, and a restraining order.

If you have a problem with this, you got a problem with me.

"I'm not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy."

Thank you for saying what everyone has been feeling for decades. My nickels are the first to go down the Coinstar machine. He ain't no Abe Lincoln. That's for damn sure.